Walks with Dheanna Tedja

Because Dheanna and I know that she’s leaving under weird circumstances, we had many walks and conversations about everything. Unpacking what it meant to be here, what it means to work on something, and what it means to be on a team. In those explorations, I transcribed notes that Dheanna and I wanted everyone to know and have.

I asked Dheanna what she’s going to remember the most about Erich and she told me about the story of their first meeting. It happened when Sabrina and Dheanna were trying to figure out the customer groups status for Schools and Groups and invited Erich for technical expertise. He was laughing the entire time in the meeting and Dheanna could not figure out “who was this funny guy” and what type of person he was. By the end of that same video conversation, led mostly by Dheanna and Sabrina, Erich chimed in that code update was done and he pushed the Schools and Group status onto the site. Dheanna couldn’t believe it. And we both smiled knowingly.

Dheanna told me that she’ll always remember how Erich “keeps things light, especially when it’s needed,” but what people soon realize is that “he’s actually always listening and analyzing” and “always reliable.” I told her that it was just who he is, always saving us and making sure all of this works. She nodded.

We naturally talked about Hammer next because Dheanna said that “Hammer is always reliable too.” I asked Dheanna what she would remember most about Hammer and Dheanna said Hammer is just “into everything she says she’s into.” That she hasn’t met many people who are knowledgeable about their interests like Hammer. It’s gotten to the point where Dheanna now associates the color green with Hammer when she randomly visits boutiques and other shops that have items in different color ways. I chuckled, joking to Dheanna that Hammer has transcended to one of the secondary colors on the color wheel for someone. We both laughed.

I also told Dheanna that we’re “so lucky that one of her interests is the craft and KiwiCo then.” Because we knew that Hammer would always be able to add to the stack and grow it in dedicated and hopeful ways. She nodded. We both knew that if we didn’t have Hammer, we would have lost the steadiness on the team as things changed. Her hardworking dedication can always be felt. The desire to be good at the craft, talking about it, and obsessing over it in the work, book clubs, and being academically minded over the years has been sustaining to me and Erich. It’s rare. Dheanna knew and smiled.

The next time we talked, I asked Dheanna what her first memory was of the team. Dheanna told me it was working with Rohan because he was the first developer she’s ever worked with. Ever. She always felt that he was so helpful and willing, teaching her what statuses on subscriptions meant that first time. Over time, Rohan was always helping Dheanna learn more SQL and our systems, helping her build the foundation to her understanding of KiwiCo. That helpful willingness never disappeared.

I asked Dheanna how that affected her time here and she told me that “it helped her get comfortable to learn from everyone else.” She realized that it was in the DNA of the team and that she should be comfortable with asking any of the developers for technical help. I smiled, telling her “that’s what being together is all about, isn’t it?” Dheanna quickly added “especially when there are fires.” And we laughed.

When I asked Dheanna what she was going to remember from John the most, she told me she thought John is “always funny.” I wasn’t sure what she meant, so Dheanna described a moment that sticks out in her mind. It happened during one of the pod meetings when John asked Erich whether “cell phones existed and whether he had one when he was in school” and Emily was flabbergasted, responding with “What?!? Of course he did.” Dheanna chuckled and I shrugged. John’s unique lens of the world has brought some joy to our group.

Because we were talking about funny times on the team, Dheanna mentioned that Karen has given her many fun memories too. She noted that people only see the quiet part of Karen, but if you end up sitting next to her, Karen will notice things that you would not have guessed. There were times when Karen asked Dheanna whether she was interested in something now versus something else from the past because she noticed months before that Dheanna used to have artifacts laying around on her desk indicating otherwise. This surprised Dheanna every single time. Dheanna is happy knowing that Karen will integrate more with everyone over time.

She feels like people become part of a group when others account for what they would want without asking. I thought her sentiments were nice and told her so.

With Alfonso, Dheanna told me her first meetings with him were when she felt she had to integrate the most after Michael left. That was her trial by fire. In Alfonso, she found another mentor that would teach her the ropes so she could navigate all of those conversations with CS/Ops. She said she is “forever grateful” and “forever thankful” for Alfonso’s kindness during that time. Especially when Deposco failures were happening left and right when Alfonso was already pushing changes at all hours of the day and being contacted in the middle of the night constantly.

Dheanna hopes that the relationships between Digital Product and the rest of operations keeps getting better. It’s one of her regrets that she isn’t here longer to help bridge the gap more so that we’re making future roadmaps to plan better instead of tackling so many emergencies. I told her that we do the best that we can and that it was enough. It’ll be easier in the future when things settle even more.

Dheanna reflected, saying that at least there isn’t a “P0 every single day” like when she started. I nodded, knowing the end of a journey with a lot of our problems in sight. I’m still sad that she won’t be here to see it on the day we close up everything with Bill and Set 2, but I won’t forget to mention how much she helped. Still, I’m glad Alfonso pulled her through so many of the hard times.

When we talked about Manny, Dheanna felt she had seen him grow immensely from the beginning. Manny has always been thoughtful and polite, catching himself when he used to ask questions when he saw it on the spec already. But now, Manny is very on top of communications, being proactive because product managers need that from their seniors. She thinks he’s becoming really senior about owning the work, being what the team needs at this stage. I agree.

I noted a lot of positive signs, like how he cares about the systems and team members beyond his own PagerDuty shifts or stories, surprising us with how he’s always willing to lend a hand. Dheanna noted that “he doesn’t ever sweat anything though.” I agreed. We know the team is growing the right way when there’s people like Manny come out of our group to start pushing the team into new directions.

At the mere mention of Janice’s name, Dheanna interjected with “she does everything!” I laughed. Dheanna mentions how there’s been so many times when she’s witnessed Janice come up with so many ideas on the spot, like the recent Podcast collaboration. A memory that will always stick with her with Janice was when Dheanna was working through the inventory interface. Janice noticed that she was frustrated, stepped over to ask what she was working on, and immediately began asking questions.

Within a few minutes, Janice put together a working mockup of exactly what Dheanna was thinking and the interface was perfect. Because of course that’s what happened. We both know that Janice is a lot of magic.

That reminded Dheanna of all of the times Yuli has come through for the team too. Dheanna mentioned how she thinks that they are so creative, possessing the ability to realize everything on the spot. Dheanna felt it through all of the gatherings, the celebrations, and the work. Dheanna told me that she definitely doesn’t have that, so when people are able to do it, it always impresses her. She hopes that she’s able to harness some of the creativity of Yuli and all of the people that work at KiwiCo so that she can build better roadmaps in the future. She also hopes that Yuli will get the opportunities to be in the more senior spaces because they’re already factoring how changes affect the systems and the people, protecting the team with what to look out for. Dheanna still wants to grow professionally and seeing her and Yuli go to the next steps in their career soon would be enough.

Dheanna thinks that Yuli is one of the best voices that care about the processes on our team. I agree, there’s some gaps there that we need to fill soon and I know Yuli will help us get there.

Speaking of processes, we immediately started about how Jeff has saved so many of our releases. Dheanna immediately added that she “trusts his judgment on the state of stories.” She recalls a time during Panda Plus, a day before release, when Rohan wanted to stop the entire release because of three outstanding bugs. Dheanna was really worried and wasn’t sure how to proceed given the expectations from all of the stakeholders. That’s when Jeff stepped in, calmly and methodically assessing the problems by working through it with Rohan and decided all of the bugs were P2, helping it get across the finish line. This is why Dheanna will always trust his judgment.

I asked her, “It was crazy before Jeff was here, wasn’t it?” And she nodded in the knowing.

When I asked Dheanna what she would remember the most about Iurii, she told me that Iurii is always so positive. “So positive that it balances out Jeff.” We laughed. She thinks that Iurii glues everyone together, noting how when everyone was coming back to the office, he contributed to the group by learning so many games and making sure people were having fun together. I told Dheanna that he’s been a friend to me through many of the struggles and the games, having fought so many battles already in such a short amount of time. She sees that.

Dheanna said that “Iurii always comes through no matter what.” I’m glad he glues us all together and as a group. His dedication and positivity represent the best of what our group is.

Dheanna immediately added that another glue person on our team is Amy. She feels that “Amy is already so responsible,” following up and making sure that stories meet the actual needs of the users. When I asked what she meant by “responsible,” Dheanna responded with the fact that “Amy could be a PM with how consistent she is with communication” and that it was “rare with other engineers.” I shrugged and we laughed. I mused about how it takes an understanding of how actions affect others to be able to PM. That’s sometimes hard for many, because we don’t think about groups of people and the way we act in the same way we think about technical ecosystems and code. We should if we want to to be intentional. Seniority and leadership are constant small acts of intention and having more of it on the team only makes the whole more cohesive.

I told Dheanna that I agreed with her that Amy is another glue person. The future is brighter for the team because she’s here.

When I asked Dheanna what she would remember the most about Irene, she immediately said that she was “unstoppable.” Dheanna knows that Irene is determined and always able to see ten steps ahead. I asked her where she thinks that comes from and she explained that it’s probably because Irene used to be in the Product Management role, so she could always see what was needed and calculate the costs. Dheanna still remembers the times when Irene would surprise her, noting a particular instance when Irene said that “it would probably be a lot harder to add this development after launch because of additional costs of reworking this part of the infrastructure versus doing it upfront.” Dheanna always appreciated the understanding. And it made the work feel reasonable and pleasant even though Dheanna and Irene were pushing so many boulders together.

To Dheanna, having Irene was like having a second manager. She was so glad she could grow under her guidance.

Dheanna is going to always remember Brittney as the “calm and rational one.” She told me that while Emily was stressed out outwardly and Dheanna was stressed out inwardly, Brittney always brought them back to the most reasonable next step. We laughed.

Dheanna admires Brittney for her ability to push for things that she feels needs to happen, even if she faces opposition. Because she weighs the risks calmly, Dheanna always feels like she’s able to win people over on the immediacy of the changes. I knew what she meant, Brittney is always so wise.

When I asked her what she’ll miss the most about KiwiCo, Dheanna told me that the routines and in-betweens are the things that she no longer has that will hurt the most. Her absolute favorite times at KiwiCo is when she is casually talking to Brittney and Emily, updating each other on timelines and occurrences throughout the day. I smiled. Belonging is an important feeling.

I asked Dheanna what she was going to most remember about Bill. She thought for a moment and then told me that he has that “cool boss vibe” and that he is always able to make things lighter. I laughed and had to investigate immediately. Dheanna waved her arms around frantically, saying “you know things will just work when Bill is around.” We talked about celebrations, meeting icebreakers, and just the way things are when Bill moves around the different groups and meetings. I smiled at Dheanna for being so funny.

She added that “when there are problems though, Bill is stern and to the point so that we figure out solutions immediately.” We are both glad that everyone is so efficient and that Bill always made sure things ran well.

Of course I wanted Dheanna’s impression of Sandra, so I asked. Dheanna said that Sandra is “so intense” and mentioned her very first impression was during the interview process. Sandra immediately asked her why she had a gap in-between jobs, investing what she was doing with all of her time, what she was hoping for, and why she wanted to be at KiwiCo now. Once she answered it adequately, Sandra went into another different mode. I laughed, feeling bad for Dheanna, but also relating.

Dheanna thinks the memory that will always stand out for her of Sandra is when she was getting the pop-up shop going. When signage on the upper levels needed to be done, Sandra immediately climbed up a ladder and started nailing it to the wall. She’s a leader by example. And it’s so easy to follow her. To believe.

All of our conversations always led back to Emily. It was amusing to me that it worked that way. Even though we kept taking tangents, talking about KiwiCo or other teammates, Emily was mentioned in some way. It reminds me that people become important in our lives when two individuals make the effort to really know each other. And that everything about a place has hints of them. It’s a little bit of togetherness magic that still exists when we choose to be important in each other’s lives. So when I asked Dheanna finally how she felt about Emily herself, there was a little bit of hesitation because the words couldn’t capture it. But we tried.

Dheanna told me that Emily doesn’t lead by sternness. Her leadership style is that of a “caring mentor, leading by example and experience.” Because of that, Dheanna always felt like they both came from the same place, and that she was able to make mistakes without judgment. Dheanna knew she was lucky.

A fun memory she has was finding out that they both grew up and obsessing over cash registers as a toy. We laughed. It explains their joy of organization.

I asked Dheanna what type of manager she would want to be and Dheanna told me that Emily “taught her what a good manager was” and that she would want to be like her. I asked her what would be hard for her as a manager and Dheanna said she would struggle being critical of someone’s work to help them grow, but she would hope that it’s something she learns. She knows all of that is in her future because the one thing that Dheanna wants to do from her time with being managed by Emily is to “pay it forward.” To one day be a leader like Emily is.

We smiled. The paths we take as humans are so interesting and so warm. You and Emily will always have this connection.

Dheanna, I hope all of the words were said. I know you and the team didn’t need to hear (or read) any of this, but know that I needed to say it. Because no matter where you are, you are KiwiCo. And we won’t ever forget.